The Breath Between Shock and Holding Steady
As Shift Change expands into corporate spaces, we are seeing the profound impact of attending to shock immediately. Anonymous groups after critical incidents have shown us how quickly relief, release, and gratitude arrive when people feel safe.
This summer, I experienced the same truth at home. One morning, while my kids were at their dad’s house, my son found that one of his bunnies had been taken by another animal. I wasn’t there. When I learned what happened later in the day, my whole body reacted. I knew he would be holding it inside—trying not to show what he was feeling.
By the time he was dropped off to me, after camp, he collapsed in my arms. He’s eight. In that moment I felt both the ache of not being there and the urgency to help his system release what it had been carrying all day.
I gathered all four of my kids and together with their dad we sat on their trampoline. I ran a kid-friendly Shift Now session—we tapped, and they cried, screamed, and sobbed together. The rawness of their release was the same I’ve witnessed in adult clients carrying pain for decades. Two hours later, their bodies were steady again.
That moment reminded me: when we don’t tend to shock right away, grief turns into confusion—“I should have,” “It’s my fault.” And confusion is what creates the trauma. Children especially need adults to help them regulate, because their brains are still developing until around age 27. Yet too often, adults are coping themselves, and kids become the afterthought.
This is why our work at Shift Change exists: to help the breath return, to let the nervous system settle, to move from shock to steadiness.
Now, we’re expanding this into a new offering: The Breath Between—in-person gatherings where we will pause to honour endings. Whether it’s a breakup, divorce, death, or even the quiet closure of a chapter, these moments deserve tending.
I’d love your input:
Would you be interested in attending The Breath Between gatherings in person?
Or would you prefer to join virtually and anonymously, like our Shift Now sessions?
Your feedback will shape how this next layer of Shift Change takes form.
SHIFT Now Session Times
We’re thrilled to offer weekly recurring SHIFT Now sessions!
SHIFT Now Session Times:
Mondays - 12pm PST
Tuesdays - 9am PST
Wednesdays - 11am PST
Thursdays - 12pm PST
Book of the Month
“The Wild Edge of Sorrow” by Francis Weller
This book speaks directly to the need for ritual and community in grief — exactly the essence of The Breath Between. Weller writes about how unprocessed grief lives in the body and culture, and how creating space to tend it allows us to reweave meaning.
Podcast Suggestion
‘On Being’ with Krista Tippett — Episodes with Francis Weller or Pauline Boss
These episodes explore ambiguous loss, the role of grief rituals, and what it means to make space for endings in a culture that rushes past them.
What I want to leave you with is this:
Life will continue to happen to us all. None of us are immune, and regardless of how skilled we are, we cannot bypass shock. The brain imprints it, and our systems need support.
This summer, I got to offer my kids something I never received. Not because I wasn’t loved, but because my parents didn’t know how.
In order to change systems—internally and externally—we must first learn that there is a better way. And as Maya Angelou says: “When we know better, we do better.”
May we consider this: when we say yes to us, we say yes to them—our children, and their children.
That is where the impact is.
Thank you for reading.
From my heart to yours,
Kara Kalin