Why EMDR Feels Too Good to Be True—Until It Happens to You
What if everything you’ve been taught about how to handle pressure, move through blocks, and overcome adversity… is a lie?
A respected voice in the personal development space sat across from me at a private dinner and said,
“EMDR sounds too good to be true.”
As I heard him say it, I was surprised—especially given the praise he often gives to the work of Joe Dispenza. But in that moment, I saw something else: a mirror. A gift, really.
He was showing me what so many people still believe. The old me would’ve gotten defensive. Would’ve tried to prove my case.
But I’ve done this work long enough to recognize what that was: unconscious resistance.
I see it every day in my therapy rooms. I see it in the most elite performers.
The Olympians. The pro athletes. The CEOs who’ve achieved the 1%.
And I’ve come to know that resistance intimately—because I’ve lived it.
I was the most resistant client… until EMDR showed me how to be with everything I was running from.
So instead of convincing him, I planted a seed.
I know, deep in my bones, that when people reach a plateau—when they’re tired of feeling how they feel—something shifts.
The “stuck” eventually pushes them to seek a different way forward.
When they’re ready, they’ll come.
We Don’t Trust What Comes Easy
We’ve been conditioned to believe that growth has to be long, hard, and painful to be real.
That suffering earns us transformation.
That struggle proves we’re worthy of relief.
So when something actually works—and works fast—we don’t trust it.
We call it suspicious. We label it “woo woo.”
But maybe the problem isn’t that EMDR doesn’t work.
Maybe the problem is that we’ve built an entire culture around earning our right to feel better.
EMDR doesn’t ask you to suffer longer.
It asks you to feel what you’ve avoided—and then let it go.
That’s not easy.
And the truth is, freedom is on the other side.
I’ve Been There Myself—More Than Once
I first tried EMDR in my late teens, after the death of my father. I had been in the room when he passed, and while that moment was sacred, the image of his body afterward became stuck in my mind. I couldn’t remember him smiling—only that final moment. EMDR helped shift that. Not by erasing the memory, but by releasing its emotional grip.
Years later, I came back to EMDR—this time to process the impact of my career. Two decades in elite sport took a toll I hadn’t fully seen until I stepped away. Somewhere in that mission, I had started to sacrifice parts of myself. Eventually, it all caught up.
Then came the birth of my twins. Four kids under five.
2020 lockdown. Postpartum fog.
This time, I said yes to EMDR training—not because I felt clear, but because I was trying to outrun the fog. What I didn’t expect was how that training would turn inward.
The reason I know so much about protection and resistance is because I’ve felt them in my own body. I know what it’s like to sit across from someone holding it all in—because I remember what happened when I finally stopped holding it together and let myself feel what I had repressed.
It’s Not Woo Woo—We’re Just a Culture That Fears Feeling
Let’s be honest: EMDR looks strange.
You’re tapping, tracking your eyes back and forth, or hugging yourself while recalling painful memories. It doesn’t look clinical. It doesn’t sound scientific. It definitely doesn’t feel like the traditional sit-on-the-couch-and-talk therapy most people expect.
So when people call it “woo woo,” it’s not always about facts.
Often, it’s about fear.
We live in a culture that’s deeply uncomfortable with emotion.
We’ve been taught that to move forward, we should move on—power through, don’t dwell, keep going.
Most people who dismiss EMDR aren’t just skeptical of the method.
They’re skeptical of feeling itself.
They’ll say things like:
“It’s not that bad.”
“Why go back? That was years ago.”
“I’m fine.”
But being “fine” isn’t the same as being well.
And moving on isn’t the same as moving through.
In a suppression culture, we’re taught to function over feel. We push down grief, stress, fear, and trauma—and call it resilience. But unprocessed pain doesn’t disappear. It just gets buried deeper, where it leaks into our relationships, our leadership, our bodies, and our work.
EMDR is confronting—not because it’s mystical, but because it asks us to feel what we’ve learned to avoid.
When People Say “It Didn’t Work”—Let’s Talk About Dissociation
One of the most common things we hear is:
“I tried EMDR, and it didn’t work for me.”
And sometimes, that’s valid.
But often—especially when someone says this quickly, dismissively, or without curiosity—there’s something deeper going on.
It’s not always that EMDR didn’t work.
It’s that the system wasn’t ready to let it work.
This is where dissociation comes in.
Dissociation is a psychological defense mechanism—a way the brain protects us from overwhelming experiences. It allows us to disconnect from thoughts, emotions, memories, or even our sense of identity, especially in response to trauma or intense stress. On the surface, it might look like zoning out or “spacing,” but it can also show up as memory gaps, emotional numbness, or feeling like you're observing your life from the outside.
In the moment, dissociation helps us survive.
But in healing work, it can block access to the very emotions and memories EMDR is designed to process.
That’s why advanced EMDR training matters—because what looks like resistance is often deep nervous system protection. And protection doesn’t yield to logic—it softens when the system feels safe.
When someone says, “It didn’t work,” it’s worth asking:
Was the system actually ready to feel? Or was it still protecting itself from what it couldn’t yet face?
What the Research Really Says
EMDR is not new—and it’s not fringe.
It’s been clinically studied for over 35 years and is supported by hundreds of peer-reviewed studies across trauma, anxiety, grief, and more.
In just the past few years, 91 peer-reviewed publications have specifically examined early EMDR interventions like ASSYST and the Butterfly Hug method (Dr. Ignacio Jarero, 2021)—approaches now used in disaster zones, refugee camps, and mass trauma response efforts worldwide.
And increasingly, EMDR is being integrated into workplace mental health programs, leadership coaching, and executive wellness. From frontline staff to C-suite executives, it’s helping organizations reduce burnout, clear chronic stress responses, and support employee performance at scale.
EMDR has been recognized by every major global authority in trauma care, including:
The World Health Organization (WHO)
The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)
The Department of Defense (DoD)
And by clinical leaders like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, who found that 90% of single-trauma clients no longer met PTSD criteria after just a few sessions.
EMDR doesn’t erase your memories.
It helps your brain process them in a way that finally allows for integration.
And when that happens—freedom becomes possible.
Final Thoughts
One of the most beautiful things I witness in my work is this:
What happens when EMDR meets the stuck places.
Because trauma doesn’t fade on its own.
It freezes.
It tucks itself into your nervous system and waits.
And when it’s triggered? It takes over.
Have you ever been in a fight and thought,
“Why am I acting like a child?”
“Why are they acting like a child?”
It’s because those wounded parts of us never got to grow up.
They’ve been waiting—for safety. For permission. For someone to help them feel and release what they never could before.
No matter how destructive a situation becomes, the fear that keeps us stuck is often the same:
The fear of being alone.
And that fear? Runs deep.